The Hardest Part
by Jax25
Summary: My fic for Swan Queen Week 9 on tumblr - day 5 - "Divorced Mommies." Regina and Emma are divorced and sharing custody of the child they had together after they got married. Warning: this one hurts.


The hardest part of being divorced, Regina thinks, is sharing custody. Sad brown eyes that look up at her when she's shuttling their little girl over to Emma's house after her weekend with her is over. At least Emma hasn't taken back up with the pirate since the divorce was made final. It's a small consolation.

Little Ruth tries to understand, but she's young and all she wants is her mommies back together. "I know you do, Sweetie, but sometimes things just don't work out between adults. Your mommy and I don't want you growing up in a home where we're fighting all the time."

Regina sighs. There had once been a time when she lived for fighting with Emma, but now she hates it. Sadly, no matter how good her intentions every time they try to reconcile, they just end up arguing again. They disagree about so many things that it's hard to remember how they ever agreed on enough to get married and have a child together in the first place. It was too much, she supposes. They should have stuck with co-parenting Henry, who was almost grown by the time they married. Having the baby had upset the balance they'd managed to maintain up until that point.

The post-partum depression had been the beginning. Watching Emma suffering through that without knowing how to help, had driven Regina into becoming the overbearing nag who wanted Emma to just pull herself out of it already. She knows now that it was entirely the wrong way to go about it, but hindsight is always 20/20. After the depression came almost constant arguments about nearly every facet of parenting.

It should have been obvious. She blames herself for not anticipating that their styles would be so incompatible. Emma is far more "go with the flow," while Regina believes in rules and structure. There is no shortage of love for Ruth from either side, but the love for each other gradually eroded away with the fighting.

Mostly.

Okay, maybe not as much as Regina likes to tell herself, but what can she do about it? They've tried counseling. They've tried every little Band-Aid over the wounds that they could think of. Divorce was the only logical conclusion, and she supposes they're both happier. Not that she feels particularly happy, especially when she only gets to see her baby girl every other weekend and on the nights when Emma has to work.

She makes the most of the time she has, cherishing every moment, all the while grieving every "first" that she misses. The three of them should be sharing this, as a family, and it's tearing her apart that they can't.

Ruth must be sensing her mood, because she cuddles up close to Regina after she pulls up along the curb at Emma's, and unfastens the belt on her car seat. Regina wraps her arms around her baby girl and pulls her in, burying her face in her wispy curls and breathing in the scent of her. "We have to go inside now, Darling," she says after what seems like a very long time. Her voice is almost choked with emotion, and Ruth gives her a squeeze.

"Mom, can you read me story before you go?"

Regina closes her eyes tight shut on the tears, but one of them escapes anyway. "We'll see what your mommy has to say."

"Okay."

Emma opens the door and Regina's heart does a little flip, just as it's done every time since the day they first met. "Hey."

"Hey." There's an awkward pause where she feels like she should say something, but doesn't exactly know what. She finally settles with, "Ruth asked if I can read her a story before I go. Would it be okay?"

"Sure," Emma shrugs, and stands aside for her to pass.

Regina carries their girl into her bedroom and settles her on the bed before putting her bag down in the corner. It's not bedtime yet, but that doesn't seem to matter much to Ruth. As Regina rummages around on the shelf for a story to read her, Ruth calls out for one of her favorites. The choice makes her smile sadly. It's a story about horses.

The small bed creaks a little when Regina sinks down beside her, opens the book and begins to read. Ruth is a warmth pressed into her side, and she wraps her arm around her, both drawing comfort from each other for as long as they have left together today. Far too soon, the story is finished. Regina looks down at Ruth, then kisses her again. "Time for me to go, Sweetheart. I'll call tomorrow though, I promise."

"Okay." There's another little pause, then, "Mom?"

"Yes, Dear?"

"I love you."

"Oh, I love you too. With all my heart." She squeezes Ruth tight, her heart breaking just a little more. Glancing up, she sees Emma leaning against the door frame. She looks almost as sad as Regina feels. Regina rises and walks into the hallway while Emma closes the door behind them.

"All of it?" Emma asks quietly.

"No, not all of it."

Emma's eyes find hers, and she realizes she's holding her breath. "You still have a piece of mine too."

But pieces aren't enough, are they? Regina leans in to give her a hug, then slowly turns and walks away.

* * *

 **A/N: I tried to make this clear through context, but when one of my friends asked about it when I let her read the beginning. Emma is the baby's bio mom. That's why Ruth primarily lives with her. I'm not sure on the specifics of child custody with same-sex parents in Maine, but honestly, I wanted to explore the emotions of being the parent who doesn't get to spend as much time with their child, so that's why I wrote it this way.**


End file.
